Retraining my brain!

This journey is as much about self discovery as it is about rebirth, rejuvenation, rethinking what we have been taught & exposed to our whole lives. I am retraining my brain. I am having to prove to myself on a daily basis that I am worth it. That I am so much more than my past & my upbringing. This may sound dramatic to some, but most of you know exactly what I mean. It is an internal switch that we often overlook or tend to think we cannot switch off, or I guess more acurately.. switch back on.
I have had to take a firm stance with myself. I have had to treat my inner self like I would a close friend. Doing what I know is best even when I am often met with resistance! I struggled for over a week without any weight loss. The half pound I finally lost was hard won. I was back on my scale addiction, beating myself up emotionally if it went up at all or stayed the same. That defeated my morale, made me feel like I was failing. That in turn made we want to give up, buy a huge gallon of ice cream & eat the whole thing. Self soothing, self medicating, self destruction.
Somehow my switch flipped. I cannot define the moment or the reason. I just know that something within me changed. I felt the surge of refusal to give up, to let go. I felt the need to love myself enough to take that next step forward rather than backward. I do not kid myself that there won't be further struggles to make the right choices, or to still beat myself up when I make the wrong ones. But I think the choices will become easier & I will not be so quick to give in to the old habits of self sabotage.
I have found that ridding my environment of the carbs & sugars that I once craved has really helped me over that edge. I can get things that the kids enjoy now & have no desire to eat them. I still have occasion to be reminded that there are limitations that may never change. I went to dinner last night & made the mistake of thinking a piece of bread would be no big deal. On it's own it may not have been, but bread swells quickly once swallowed.. add liquid & it swells even more.. that blocks the band opening & anything you eat after that will most likely come back up. It really spoiled my dinner. As well as not being able to finish the Sangria I drank with the bread. I know better. It was a choice without thought. An impulse reaction to the smell of hot, fresh bread. I doubt I will make that mistake again any time soon! That bread was not worth it! I would have enjoyed the rest of my meal more than I did that piece of bread. It is what it is & all part of the retraining of my brain.
TRUTH: Proof to myself it is worth the work.. weight today 174!